There are so many storylines this season and this week in particular that I can’t cover them all. There are new players and old players, new coaches, new conference, new rivals, old rivals, the media, new stadiums, respect, and on and on. I was trying to think of any other story with the same level of complexity and character diversity and all I could think was that this is biblically epic. That's right, biblical. Here’s how I got there.
So, I had a few beers after I pulled into College Station last night and I got to thinking about the Old Testament. Well, what I really did was earlier I almost hit a tire in the road which made me cuss, which made me wonder if using the word F#@K as an expletive was a sin since it’s not technically blasphemy and wasn’t directed at a person, which made me think it might be a sin since I’m pretty sure mom told me not to use the word so it’s a violation of the “honor thy father and mother” commandment, which made me think of the other commandments which made me think of Moses and the Israelites, which obviously leads to football.
This is my account of how Moses and the Israelites are like Aggie football, or I guess, maybe the other way around is better. This is how Aggie Football is like Moses and the Israelites. There are some legitimate parallels to be drawn here. We have the escape from the evil Egyptians (guess who). Obviously we have the desert heat (my thermometer finally melted this summer when the temperature got to eleventy billion degrees). There’s the matter of having just enough manna (wins) to survive on, but nothing meaty for years. We clearly have all the impatient masses any old testament prophet could want. One might argue that there was the false idol incident (Fran). And then the guy that led us out of the desert doesn’t get to enter the Promised Land (Sherman). It would be better if a guy named Kevin had led the Israelites into the Promised Land instead of Joshua, but I’m probably on thin ice here as it is so it may be better not to push it.
Anyway, the best part is that when Sherman, or Moses rather, lets Joshua take them across the Jordan river, they don’t just receive the Promised Land like government check in the mail (although I’m starting to see the appeal of the socialist state). They have to go in and kick some Canaanite butt to get it. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do to ‘em Ags. We’ve been wandering around the desert for too long and I’m ready for some football salvation.
Now, I don’t want to get too caught up in debating the relative accuracy of the bible according to Chuck. I think we all know already that I’ve been relying for some time on my mother’s prayers, God’s mercy and most importantly His sense of humor for me to have any shot at an eternal life free from painful itching and burning. Highlighting the flaws in my analysis is not important. What is important is to establish a link, however obscure it may be, between the Aggie’s winning tomorrow with God’s will. I’m confident we’ve done just that. And just think, this divine revelation is all because I almost hit a tire in the road. Funny world.
Anyway, you might think that now that we have God firmly on our side we don’t have to do anything else. You know, victory is assured, right? You couldn’t be more wrong. As they say “the Lord helps those who help themselves”. So, I suggest you come out to the tailgate on Saturday and help yourself to some barbecue, beans, sausage, and beer. I think it’s going to be a humdinger of a tailgate. It looks like the party will continue right on through the game as I’ve had a number of people ask if they can come out and just hang out during the game rather than go in. I think that sounds cool. So even if you don’t have tickets, come on out. Reach out to your friends and have them come out. Florida fans are welcome.
I guess I should discuss the game and our opponent in a non-theological context for any godless liberals that might be reading this. OK. We’re playing #24 Florida at 2:30 PM on Saturday. It’s the big ESPN game of the week and Kirk Herbstreit and the College Gameday ®crew will be there. It’s A&M’s first SEC game and it’s legitimately winnable. I won’t bother you with all the stats that don’t support my stance. Instead I’ll only tell you that Florida last year had the same record as A&M and didn’t beat a single team with a winning record. Their offense is suspect (having two starting QB's is the same as having no starting QB's) and they played a lackluster game against powerhouse Bowling Green last week. Their defense is supposed to be pretty stout, but you have to ask yourself this, if those guys were really that good, wouldn’t they be playing for Alabama? I’m telling you, stats don’t lie. Plus we’re starting red-shirt freshman Johnny Manziel. He’s such a badass that the Internet (collectively) has nick named him “Johnny Effin’ Football”, except they use the real French instead of “Effin”. How can you lose with a nickname like that? It’s like “Jarrin’ John Kimbrough”, "Crash Davis" or “Calvin ‘Nuke’ Laloosh”. It’s all setting up to be a very nice game day for the good guys.
I hope to see you all there. Tim and I bought enough beer for everyone to drink responsibly three or four times each on Saturday. The weather is going to be great. Bring friends if you like. It’s an election year so drink early and drink often. We’re easy to find. Look for the Army Truck and the Fire Truck and the big tailgate in the grass outside the East entrance (facing Kyle Field) of Reed Arena. Call me if you have any questions or if you want to take a crack at saving my soul. 817-266-8268. I haven’t done a great job of updating the email list so I’ve probably missed someone you asked me to send this to. Sorry.
Gig ‘em and Beat the Hell Outta Florida!
Chuck '96
No comments:
Post a Comment