We have lost to SMU in the past. I understand there was a time when the SMU Mustangs were a force to be reckoned with. In fact, there was an ESPN special 30 for 30 episode on it called "The Pony Excess". It looked little dated. All the footage had that classic NFL Films look to it, you know, where everything looks a little slow and grainy. And the background music sounds like the soundtrack from the A-Team (ba bu bum, bum-bum-ba-bum, budda-dum-da-dee-dum, dum-da-didda-diddum). Music doesn't translate well into roman characters, so I guess there really are some limitations to email.
Anyway, thanks to the recently invented World Wide Web I was able to plug in my modem and use WebCrawler to find out exactly how long ago that was. It's like a time warp. Men, it may be time to flip up the color on your pastel colored IZOD, pull on some nice corduroy bermuda shorts and lace up your top-siders. Ladies, get out those big-ass shoulder pads, your unitard, leg warmers and head bands and put that Pat Benetar record to good use. We're going back in time. It was 1984 my friends. That's right, almost 30 years since we last suffered a defeat at the hands of the Mustangs. To be fair, there was a tie in the 1990's, but I've never let facts get in the way when I'm on a roll. And it's been 20 years since we played on the SMU campus. So who knows. I can't get the music of my youth out of my head. (Like a Virgin... Woo! Touched for the very first time... Like a viiiiiiiiiirgin...).
You probably need to know a few things to really enjoy the SMU game. SMU is coached by a guy with a girl's name, "June", as in the Beav's mom. (Hey June, why don't you get in the kitchen and get me frickin' chicken pot pie.) Last year was SMU's best year since 1984, going 8-5 against powerhouse schools like Rice, Memphis and Northwestern State. People who attend SMU have names like Buffy, Hoyt and Penelope and drink tea with their pinky fingers up in the air. SMU is literally in the middle of one of the largest cities in these United States and can't sell out a 32,000 seat stadium named after Gerald Ford (not the President who fell out of helicopters but the Dallas banking mogul).
One day, a long time ago, a heroic Aggie in the corps drew his sword (not a metaphor) to defend Kyle Field from a marauding SMU cheerleader and they can't seem to get over it. At least that's how I choose to portray it. I mean, if our beloved leader can claim to be masterful at defense, foreign policy and creating jobs, then I should be able to say just about anything without fear of reprisal.
I am super thin.
That was easy.
I love the environment and respect the opinions of others.
This is fun.
I invented aluminum foil, space travel and orgasms. I AM YOUR LEADER! BOW DOWN TO ME!!!!
Whoa. Sorry about that. I got caught up in election year stupidity. You know, no one has ever asked to be dropped from the list, but I think today might be the day.
Anyway, the game is at 2:30 and will be aired on Fox Sports. You should be able to spot me in the stands. I'll be the super thin environmentalist spaceman with the huge grin wearing maroon.
I hope you all enjoy watching the game. I think we have a pretty good chance of dominating them.
Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta SMU!
- Chuck '96
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