Farewell, Old Friend

I’ve often thought about how my friends aren’t perfect. And I don’t really want them to be, actually. Who would want to have to live up to that?

“Hey, Chuck.”

“Hey there, Prescott Worthington III. What have you been up to?”

“Not much. I got home early from teaching that Calculus/Bikram Yoga class, so I just had enough time rebuild the tranny in my ’67 Camaro before I whipped up a soufflé for the little missus. She’s been working so hard since she won the MacArthur Genius Grant and I thought a little something sweet might be just the thing. And you?”

“uhhhhh… …same here. [under breath] Sonofabitch…”

Luckily, my friends aren’t like that. I’ve got this one friend. A big fella. Kind of a giant really. Some might consider this friend, well, a little funny looking. My friend can be loud, a little crazy, sometimes fickle and more than a little old fashioned. Oh yeah, and my friend used to smell like bat poop.

Who did you think I was talking about? I’m talking about Kyle Field.

I’ve been going to Kyle Field for not nearly as long as some of you. My relationship only goes back to 1992, but I’ve had a great time and as near as I can tell I’ve been to around 110 games there. After tomorrow Kyle Field will change forever. Nearly as soon as the final whistle blows they will begin to tear down this venerable football cathedral and they will replace it with “New and Improved Kyle Field.” I’m probably going to be a little nostalgic about the whole affair.

I already miss the horseshoe, DeWare and G. Rollie White. I’ll add Kyle Field to my list of missing buildings. I’ll miss the old rickety bleachers. I’ll remember mugging down at yell practice and still wish I had done more of it. We used to have all University night at Kyle, which I can’t describe here because I don’t want my kids to know about it, but that was fun. I don’t think I’ll miss the smell of bat poop or standing in a puddle of pee when I have to pee. Big bathrooms and wide concourses will be nice. The idea of shade, even if it’s for someone else, doesn’t sound too bad. So maybe it really will be better. But I still expect to be a little sad about my last visit to Kyle Field the way I knew her.

The one thing I hope to see from new Kyle Field is more winning. I like the heck out of winning and if this will make more winning happen then I’m all for it.

Last week we beat the crap out of, well, someone… oh yeah, UTEP. There’s not a lot to say about it. UTEP is bad and it showed. I won’t dwell on the game much, but it is worth noting that we held them to under 200 yards of total offense. The defense looked the way they should against an inferior team, which is saying something because a lot of times this year they haven’t.

This week we welcome to town the Mississippi State Bulldogs. We smacked them around pretty good last year. I hope to do it again this year. They are not a bad team, although their record is not stellar. They are physically very large in the trenches and they run the ball pretty well. We could have some trouble with them. I don’t think they’ll have an answer for the Manziel/Evans conundrum, and it could even be a blowout. I’m just expecting a hard fought game where we don’t beat the spread, but come out with a decent win and start getting ready for LSU after a week off.

I went looking for Mississippi State jokes on the internet and came up a little short. I think it’s telling that a google search for “Mississippi State Bulldogs” yielded only 3,020,000 results, but a search for “used toilet paper” yielded 41,000,000 results. Most of the jokes I found were standard fare. I found two that I liked and have included them below.

Q: What do a Mississippi State student and an Ole Miss student have in common?

A: They both got into State.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at State?

A: They cause too much brain damage.

I know it’s low brow. I think, to steal a phrase from sports, I’m playing down to my competition. Sorry.

The tailgate should be really nice this weekend. The game is at 2:30, the weather will be good and the food should be solid (ribs, beans and French fries... and beer). Come on down and enjoy the afternoon. We’ll be looking for you.

Gig ‘em and Beat the Hell Outta Mississippi State!

- Chuck ‘96