First the Pointer Sisters, then Van Halen, then Kriss Kross - Now the Aggies

Jump baby.

Apparently jumping has been part of the American social fabric for decades. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that even the Aggies have been lining up to do a little jumping of their own. First they jumped to conclusions, then they jumped off the bandwagon. Now they're starting to jump off of cliffs. It's like watching a bunch of lemmings fighting their way to edge to be the next to take the fatal plunge into the seas of self loathing.

If I could take this ill fated analogy even a step further, I'd suggest that maybe the Aggies should try taking a leap instead. Because it will take a leap, a plain old jump won't do it. Take a leap of faith that 1. this season has been an aberration and 2. that even if it isn't the sun will rise tomorrow.

Somehow we've gotten to a bad place this season. The numbers don't look good and there's no real explanation for it. This team has not lived up any one's expectations. Not their own, not the coaches', not the administration's, and least important of all, not the fans'. OK. That sucks. I get it.

But, and I can say this comfortably because no one that I know takes this as seriously as I do, it's time to let it go. The past is in the past. I've analyzed it a hundred times and my opinion is that the coaching staff should, for the most part, be left in tact. I'd like to maybe see an offensive coordinator put in place. There's just too much happening during the game for the head coach to do both jobs. That's my opinion and it's worth less than you paid for it. At a price of $0.00 you got ripped off.

So what is a fan to do? Well, I usually look for wisdom in the bottom of a bottle which hasn't been working so far this season, so I'll do a 180 and refer back to what the alcoholics say, the serenity prayer. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

We can't jump off that cliff.

We shouldn't be lemmings. Come on! We're Aggies, damnit!

We can be steadfast in our resolve. Control the things we can. We can be supportive even when things aren't going our way.

It's easy to destroy. Complaining, whining, mob justice. It's all easy lemming kind of stuff. But creation on the other hand is a b*tch. Let's do the tough job. Let's go create something good out of our lofty position as unpaid jurors in the court of irrelevant opinions.

People might think we're weird for supporting a losing team. But, hey, we're Aggies, right? We accepted the first time we put on a maroon shirt that we were going to be viewed as different. I relish that. We're tough minded and we drink cheap beer. We're loyal to a fault. And if that's weird, ok. I'll take it.

We just can't quit on these guys. I haven't seen a lot of quit in the players. Except for the OU game, we've been in every game this season. Yeah, we lost five of them, but we've been in them. We could just as easily be 10-2 (although clearly we aren't). This isn't a bad team. It's a good team in a bad place. I feel good about the people on this team, coaches and players alike. They are good individuals, good players, good representatives of Texas A&M. They will learn a lot from this season. They shouldn't have to do it under the weight of a fickle fan base.

No one on this email was alive the last time we won a national championship in football. I'm sure one more season of waiting will be fine. We just need to get back to who we are. Let's go out and hit someone on Saturday. Rough tough real stuff. If we finish strong it's still an eight win season. I'll take it.

Now, if you look at my request for a leap of faith as silly and preachy, you can always jump down my throat or tell me to jump in a lake. I'm a big boy. I can handle it. But, if you just don't like amateurish word play, I've got nothing for you. It's kind of my thing.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Kansas!

-Chuck '96

If you can see past the anger and hate . . .

...you're definitely in the minority among Aggie fans. I personally have trouble understanding it. Maybe it's like mashed potatoes. They're fine. They're not great. They're just fine. But if it's all you had to eat every freakin' year maybe you'd start to get mad. Maybe you'd get so mad that the idea of more mashed potatoes would make you want to punch someone? And then post about it on the internet. A lot. And so, it seems, the prospect of another 8 win year has got a lot of fans upset. We lost another game and people are wound up about it.

Sure it was a top ten team, but we still lost another game. It's time to get out the torches and pitchforks. It's time to warm up the tar and pluck the feathers off a chicken or two. There's nothing left to be done but a good old fashioned witch hunt. Because, it's a certifiable, bonafide fact that we lost to OU on Saturday up in Norman, Oklahoma. I was there and there's just no way around that. There is no alternative.

Or is there?

You see, I googled "Time Travel" and lo and behold, I was able to buy two time trips from a site in the Netherlands (not the same as the "Nether Regions", Paul, you need a passport to get there). And, I used my first trip back in time to garner fabulous wealth for myself so I could live a movie star's life and shower the program with money. But I found the super models and big yachts shallow and unfulfilling, so I used my second trip to undo the first one and now I'm out of time travel vouchers. On the plus side, I feel better about myself and now I know who wins American Idol this year. Oh well, I tried to bend the laws of time and space and apparently that's still not enough for us to win all our games.

I guess everyone will just have to remember 2011 as the year we didn't go undefeated and didn't win the national championship in football.

I just don't think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Our defense did pretty well. Sure, OU hung 28 on us in the 3rd quarter last weekend, but OU started three of those possessions inside the A&M 40. When OU started in their own territory they only scored on 3 of 12 possessions. But, when they started in A&M territory they scored on 4 of 7 possessions. You can try to blame the defense, but the defense didn't ask to start SEVEN possessions with their backs against the wall. For comparison, A&M started every single possession on their own side of the field.

Offensively I thought we were pretty even with OU. We scored on 4 of 18 possessions (all started in our own territory) and had two uncharacteristically missed field goals in the mix. We had 527 yards of offense (5.7 / play) vs. 404 yards (4.7 / play). They didn't sack us at all. Except for the turnovers, this was really a pretty decent game.

Man I hate turnovers. The four turnovers definitely cost us this game. Again. They have cost us every single lost game this year. That's not to say we would have won absent the turnovers. Who can know for sure? It's just that this game didn't appear competitive from the box score when in reality it was. You'll just have to take my word for it.

It's now officially time to focus your attention on the Kansas State game. think, think, Think, THINK! FOCUS!! Concentrate!!!!

Are you focusing? What did you come up with?

What a silly mascot.

I'm just saying. K-State isn't that interesting to me.

The K-State story actually parallels A&M's pretty well for the last several years. You see, Kansas State has also had a rough run this decade. They replaced a legendary coach with something else. It didn't work. Sound familiar?

But then three years ago someone staked out the Luby's handicapped parking spots before the 4:30 dinner rush and caught Bill Snyder by the arm. They confused him with the Medicare Plan B pamphlets and talk of a donut hole and while he was telling a story about "the big one" they got him to sign a contract to return to coaching. Don't let the hover-round fool you. He's still plenty wily for a man from the greatest generation. He's got a solid 7-2 team and didn't lose to Missouri, so he's got a Sans-a-Belt leg up on the Yankee from College Station. We'll need to be ready.

And I think we will be ready. For one thing, I honestly believe we're a better team than they are. We held OU and OSU to 71 points. Not great, but it's better than the 110 point KSU held them to. And our defense has gotten better each week. If you go back and actually look at the games you'll see this to be true. I think we'll be able to score on those Wildkitties.

So buckle up the Barcalounger and tune in the old boobtube to ABC at 2:30 tomorrow. When we get done jarring those corn-fed teeth loose, it'll take more than a tube of Bill's Fixodent to get 'em all back in place. Tomorrow we set things straight.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Kansas State!

-Chuck '96

OU don't know what to expect.

Did you get the double entendre there? I worked for literally seconds on that one. See, (1) "OU doesn't know what to expect from us." - OR - "Oh, you don't know what to expect.", implying that peoples' perceptions about this game may be off. Expect the unexpected. Oh the english language is magical.

I included some new folks on the email this week, Chris, Mike and John . They stopped by the tailgate on accident Satuday and got suckered into sticking around for a while. I thought I would throw them into the fire. Guys, I take up a little of everyone's time each week to ramble about the game and whatever else comes to mind. If you'd rather not receive it, just let me know and I'll drop your names. No worries.

I want to briefly touch on the Missouri game and then move on.

SH*%, G*%D*&M, SON OF B*&%H, ()*&$# *&#$@*#)&#^)&*^@)*&^$(*@#$^)*(@$)*(^&#%$&*(%(&*%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. That's about all I have to say about that.

Let's examine our next opponent, OU.

OU is a very good team with an impeccable home field record. Historically we haven't faired well in Norman. You may recall that some years ago we let one slip away late and lost 77-0 up there. They're ranked in the top 10, again. They beat the whorns by 38 points earlier this year. The line on the game is OU by 16.5.

By any rational analysis, you would have to assume that we're not favored in this one. I will instead, then, rely on irrational analysis.

First, we'll look at what I call the "Toddler Effect". The Toddler Effect goes something like this: I have a 2 year old son, and I know that eventually he will stop cr*pping in his pants. Same for the Ags. The Toddler Effect.

Second, we'll examine what I call the "Roy Sullivan" effect or alternatively the "Lightning Really Does Strike Twice in the Same Place" theory. See, Roy Sullivan has been struck by lightning seven times. Everyone assumes that it just doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. OU really could lose consecutive home games. Roy Sullivan.

Next we'll look at the Platypus Theory. The Platypus Theory states that since God has a sense of humor (hence the existence of duck billed platypi) any number of other funny things could happen just to amuse him. Don't you think God would find humor in A&M beating OU two years in a row? I know I would.

Lastly, we'll look at the Blind Squirrel hypothesis. As everyone knows, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while. Well, I think we may find an acorn up in Norman. For us that would be putting together four complete quarters of football. The thing is, it has to happen more often than you would assume, or the blind squirrels would all be dead (starvation). It's not as unlikely as you think. Blind Squirrel.

In reality, we've got the talent on offense to win up in Norman. We really do. But, it's a little like me having the capacity to lose weight. I'm very comfortable that it's possible. I'm just not sure how likely it is. That said, I am on a diet right now and I'm down 3 pounds this week. So who knows?

OU is a good team with a good set of coaches. So are we. We've had a lot of injuries on defense and every week we've had to cobble together a different set of players just to field a team. It's not surprising that they've not come along as much as we had expected this year. That said, I do think the defense has gotten incrementally better each week. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow.

Our offense is as good or better than any offense in the country when they are firing on all cylinders. Every one of our offensive starters could start or be close to it on any team in the country. There is no one on offense that you have to make excuses for. I can't explain the offense disappearing in the second half of games. I have no excuse for it, but I don't think it's a talent issue. I think this one is on playcalling. That can be fixed.

I'm going up to Norman to watch this game. I'm going to do all that I can to help the team along. I'm tired of listening to all the whiny pot bangers. People act like we've been relegated to the Sunbelt Conference and perpetual mediocrity. "It's over and there's nothing we can do. We'll never win again."

Bull Butter!

Sure, this season has been a kick in the pants, but SO WHAT? When you get thrown from a horse, what do you do? You don't just get back on, you go whip the sh*t out of the horse, and then you get back on. It's time to rally around the team and the coach. These are my guys. They aren't mercenaries. They're Aggies. They go to the same class rooms I went to as a student. The eat in the same places. They're Aggies. They love A&M just as much as I do. They leave it all out on the field every week for A&M. They're my guys. And I just can't imagine abandoning them right now.

So, I'm driving up to Norman, Oklahoma tomorrow morning, and if my team and my coach can't do it, then I will personally BEAT THE EVER LOVIN HELL OUTTA OU all by myself!!!! And Tim too, of course. I'll let him clear out the easy ones up front and I'll come in after to take care of the rest. ;)

This game is on ABC at 2:30 PM. You'll want to watch just in case I get called in there at the end.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta OU!

Chuck '96

Did you ever break up with someone and they just didn't get it?

US: "Hey, I think we'd both be happier apart. This just isn't working."

THEM: "No, you can't leave. I'll die. My economy will be ruined."

US: "You'll be fine. You'll find someone new. We can still see each other socially."

THEM: "I can change. I really can. It'll be different this time."

US: "Let's not dwell on the past. This is better for both of us."

THEM: "I'll sue. I can't live without you."

US: "Whatever."

THEM: "I found someone new. I never needed you anyway."

US: "OK. Bye."

THEM: "You'll rue the day you left me."

US: "OK. Bye."

THEM: "Did you see my new boyfriend? Jeaolous, aren't you?"

US: "I'm happy for you. Bye."

THEM: "I'll never speak to you again. I don't need you. I never loved you anyway."

US: "OK. Bye."

This thing never seems to end. Some Big 12 schools are boycotting A&M for out of conference games going forward in all sports. I'm not sure how long this hissy fit will last, but it seems like it would need to end at some point. You can't tell me that tech would rather sell 15,000 discounted tickets to play SFA than 55,000 full price tickets for a game against the Ags. But maybe so.

So this week, Kim Mulkey, Baylor's women's basketball coach, came out and announced that Baylor would never, ever play A&M in women's basketball again. Her comment was something like this. "If a man divorces me, fine. But if he comes back later and wants to have sex, the answer is 'no'."

First of all, and I want to be REALLY clear on this, no human, male, female or otherwise, is trying to have sex with Kim Mulkey. She looks like a gaunt, angry skeleton. There's not eneough tequila in all of Mexico. Second, surely she's not operating under the illusion that any of this had anything to do with A) Baylor or B) a sport other than Football. But maybe so.

I really like Gary Blair. He was asked to comment on Kim Mulkey's statement and he could have just held up his national championship trophy and said "neener, neener, neener..." Instead he took the high road and said. "We'll play anybody in the Big 12 who wants to play us as long as it's going to better our RPI schedule and if I'm taking recruits back into that area." and "A lot of it, not playing could be said it's going to be for recruiting. Okay. Throw all that other hogwash out the window. It's for recruiting. But there are about -- correct me if I'm wrong, Peter -- 12 other Division I schools in the state of Texas, and I think a lot of them will be glad to play Texas A&M."

This is not going to be a clean, friendly divorce. It's getting mean and nasty. But, in case you didn't know it, we've been dominating the state in almost all sports for a little while. t.u. hasn't beaten our women's basketball team since 2007. Tech hasn't beaten an A&M team in any sport since 2009. We've got a winning streak in football on every team in Texas. Winning cures everything and as long as we keep winning everything will be fine.

Speaking of continuing to win, we're going up to Ames, Iowa for a little football contest Saturday. I've always liked Iowa State. They seem like nice people. They've been ok from time to time, but have generally been the whipping boy of the conference. This year is no exception, although they are not to be overlooked. I expect the good guys to go up there and win convincingly, hopefully letting some key players get some rest. The game is at 2:30PM on ABC's regional broadcast.

Just a quick couple of thoughts on the Baylor game. The game was closer than the four touchdown lead indicated. Baylor has a very good offense that, unfortunately for them, turned the ball over once on downs on the goal line and missed a short field goal. Our defense came up with some really good stops when it had to. Most years you can dismiss the Baylor win as insignificant just because it's the same thing that has happened in 23 of the last 25 meetings, but this was a good win and a really fun game to watch. Robert Griffin III was simply amazing. By all accounts he's a good kid and one heck of an athlete. The Aggie offense was unstoppable though, and scored on nine straight possessions. It was more than Baylor could overcome. At the end of the day, RGIII or not, they're still Baylor.

Wear maroon. Lots of maroon. People need to see that we're out there and damn proud to be Aggies.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Iowa State!

-Chuck '96

Of sand fleas and bear droppings . . .

Great win over Tech. Not so much because it was great football, although there were certainly moments, but because we overcame adversity on the raod and won back to back games in Lubbock for the first time in a long time. We gave up a trash TD late, but for the most part we were ahead by 10 or more points the whole way. We ran back a blocked FG for a TD (thank you Dustin and Trent) and really killed any momentum they had going. The refs were bad. The crowd was bad. But the good guys got it done. Bring on the next victim.

Baylor. Man. I'm not sure what to think of Baylor. Hell, I'm not sure what "Baylor" even means. I'll look it up.

OK. At the crossroads of Google Avenue and Wikipedia Drive, I found the following information. Baylor was founded by an Alabama lawyer, Robert Emmet Bledsoe Baylor, who in 1845 convinced the two other founders to name the university after him (sounds lawyerly). REB Baylor was later a judge and one of the men who penned the unintelligible Texas state constitution. He was also a Jacksonian, the political party that later became the modern day Democratic party. It's unclear why he left Alabama for Texas, but I imagine it had something to do with the ncaa and freeloading. Somehow it's not surprising that there's a lawyer at the root of all this.

I also checked on the other primary source of internet goodness, TexAgs.com for information on Baylor. No definition, but many versions of the name "Baylor" including Bailure (like failure), Gaylor (seems rude to gay people), and Baylro (I don't get this one but it's out there a lot).

I have nothing but contempt and animosity for Baylor these days. For 15 years Baylor did nothing to improve the Big 12. They just sucked from the teets of schools that actually care about football. It's very much like welfare. Not very greatful for the freebie, but watch what happens when you try to take it away. When the whole longhorn / aggie thing became untenable, we decided to part ways amicably but Baylor screwed it up. Ken Starr, a stained blue dress of a human being himself, wrote op ed pieces in the New York Times, the Houston Chronicle and any other paper that would carry his message. He threatened litigation, and draped himself in the American flag while eating apple pie and stabbing TCU, SMU, Houston and Rice in the back. We were held hostage by the man who spent $58 Million to prove that Bill Clinton was a liar and a cheater (stunning revelation). But now that the Big 12 Conference is stable, hey, let's all be friends. Right?

To quote one of my favorite movies, Hoosiers: "Look, mister, there's... two kinds of dumb, uh... guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and, uh, guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don't matter, the second one you're kinda forced to deal with."

All I can say is that I've never much cared about this game until this year. I hope we put RGIII on his butt. I want to see this team come out fired up and just stick it to the bears, in both halves.

That said, RGIII (Robert Griffin the 3rd), really is a special talent. He has world class sprinting speed and he's having a phenomonal year. His QB rating is through the roof. He has 19 TD's and one interception. He's completing 80% of his passes. He's got more touchdowns than incompletions. He's the most legitimate Heisman candidate that Baylor has ever had. He's not the toughest hombre in the saloon, but he's a heck of a gun fighter. My recommendation when you're fighting a better gun fighter is to hit him on the head with a chair while you're still in the bar. Don't go out in the street and expect to beat him on the draw.

In football speak, the answer to RGIII is to hit him early and hit him often. He's not a QB that handles contact well. We are one of the top sacking defenses in country. Hopefully we can get him on the ground enough times to shake him up.

In a turn of rotten luck for the Ags, the game is at 11:00 AM. So the crowd may be relatively subdued. I think that's a shame, but it'll work out ok. I'm planning on serving screw-drivers and bloody mary's before the game. It's ok to drink before noon if you have a good reason or a drinking problem.

We'll have breakfast burritos before the game and fajitas after. Let me know if you're coming so I know how much fajita meat to buy (+/- 10 lbs).

Call me if you need anything at all.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Baylor!

Chuck '96

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There's a storm brewing in Lubbock, Texas.

Seriously, check the radar. The forecast is for rain during the game.

But the storm I'm referring to is more of a personal storm.

What we're about to witness is a bit of a post-relationship cat fight. The image I have in my mind is of what happens after a break-up when you have to go back and get your stuff from her apartment. Only in this case it's not your ex-girlfriend's apartment. It's her ugly, clingy friend who's had a Fatal Attraction crush on you since the beginning and man, is she upset. She's gonna want to fight, and you just want your Run DMC CD's back. To her it's emotional. She'll want to show you what you'll be missing. To you it's just another horrible trip to the end of the world. At least it's the last time you'll ever have to go there.

But, let's face it. You want to go out on top. You want to walk out of there with your pride in tact and all of your stuff back. The best bet is to just go in there, take care of business, and leave no question about who's in charge. KEEP IN MIND, after you drown Glenn Close in the tub, you have to remember that she's not dead until you put a bullet in her head. Otherwise she's going to jump up out of the water and get you with that butcher knife.

BANG!

And it's over.

I wish the rest of this email was funny. Actually, I wish the first part was funny or funnier. The rest is probably not funny or at least not "funny" in the classic sense of making someone laugh, smile, or even reflect fondly.

Clearly the Fatal Attraction thing is a metaphor for not allowing a tech to come back at the end. They've been doing that and we've been letting teams do that. It should be a high scoring affair. You have one of the best passing teams in the country (ttu) against the team ranked dead last in pass defense (A&M). You also have the team ranked dead last in rush defense (ttu) trying to stop one of the top rushing teams in the country (A&M). The over/under should be 100 points. The Ags are 9.5 point favorites.

The question will be, "what happens in the second half?" I didn't write anything last week before the Arkansas game. It was a busy week and I wasn't sure how I felt after the OSU loss. I can tell you that I was so scarred by the OSU debacle that at half time against Arkansas, up 18, I thought "I wonder if we can hold on to a three score lead this week?" I just didn't have the faith. And the crowd I was sitting with was awful. They didn't stand, they didn't yell. Weak. Just weak. And, believe it or not, when I told them they sucked, they took offense. The whole thing had taken the wind right out of my sails. And everyone knows how that game turned out. Ugghhhh.

If you're looking for answers, part of it is injuries. I'm not sure why no one is talking about this piece. Sure, we brought back eight starters from last year's defense, but three of those eight guys were injured and didn't play against Arkansas (Mathis, Campbell and Judie). And we got a little more banged up as the game went along. So we were missing some key guys and we got just torched in the second half. Still, if the offense hadn't disappeared we could have easily held on to win that game. C-Mike put up a monster game, but had a critical fumble late. Tanny had a solid game, except for the way underthrown pass to Fuller that was easily intercepted. Either of those two plays go differently, and the whole game has a different complexion. And for the 3rd week in a row, we forced no turnovers of our own. Just writing about makes me want a drink. Is it too early for a scotch? Maybe a bloody mary.

Still, I actually feel pretty confident this week. Tech hasn't really played anyone yet (Tx St. 3-2, NM 0-5, NV 1-4, KS 2-2 ) and I'd say we're a battle hardened team. Since the naughty pirate left Lubbock for deeper waters, I've felt a lot better about that place in general. It's still a dump, but it's a dump where we can win. I think you'll see a much improved defense this week. Expect to see some youth injected into the defense (Toney Hurd, Shaun Ward, Floyd Raven) and a simpler defensive scheme. And expect to see an offense absolutely destroy an inferior team. We'll give up some points, but we're not going to take our foot off the gas. Now, I'm starting to feel more optimistic.

And there is plenty to be optimistic about. First, we've got a top ten offense. We're #1 in sacks per game and #3 in sacks allowed per game. We're actually #5 in rush defense (although we're still literally dead last passing defense #120). I see us pounding the ball against tech and beating them in the trenches. I think they'll have to play their safeties up to compensate and we'll burn them on some deep throws. I see the good guys winning and covering the spread.

At the end of the day, we've only lost one conference game. We've lost two total games to two top ten teams by a combined total of 5 points. We're not a bad team at all. We can be a very good team. There's no reason we can't run the table and finish strong here. It starts on Saturday in Lubbock at 6:00 PM CST. The game will be on Fox.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Texas Tech!

Chuck '96

Holy Cr*p this is a Big Game!

This is it. It may well be the biggest game of the Big 12’s last meaningful season and it’s happening in College Station on Saturday afternoon at 2:30 PM. The Fightin’ Texas Aggies vs. the Oklahoma State "Fabulous" Cowboys. It will feature two top ten teams, several future first round NFL draft choices, big time offense, a tremendous crowd, lots of national exposure and more Brokeback Mountain jokes than you've probably heard in a couple of years.

Who in the world would want to miss that? Mickey Mouse. That’s who. Apparently Steamboat Willie feels that watching LSU curb-stomp (get it?) the Mountaineers is a better use of the ESPN College Game Day crew’s “talents”. Oh well, I guess that’s part of the deal when you spit in ESPN’s eye.

OK. Who watched the Idaho game? Well, me for one. And then over 86,000 other people came to Kyle Field to see that game as well. The defense allowed fewer than 100 yards and didn’t let the Vandals cross the 50 through three quarters. We did give up some trash yards on their final possession. Meh. Our offense methodically put up 37 points, mostly through the air, and Cyrus Gray got his 9^th consecutive 100+ yard game. Jeff Fuller and Ryan Swope had some great catches and Tanny went another game without being sacked. Another ho hum butt-kicking. Idaho wasn’t a bad team, they were just over-matched. We played the way you want to play a game like that. Solid, simple, relatively mistake-free football.

It’s time to unleash the hounds, or Collies as the case may be. I can’t wait to see this match-up. Since I bombed with the mic in my hands at the tailgate on Saturday I decided to bring back a favorite from emails past to make up for it.

Here it is folks. The joke.

So, Ol’ Rock is down in Mexico, exploring the local culture, tequila and food. He stops into a little cantina, sits down and orders a drink. Across the way he sees Pistol Pete dressed up like a bull fighter. He looks over the menu notices the waiter bring a plate of something to Pete and boy does it smell good. So Rock asks the waiter what Pete’s having. The waiter replies “Ah, senor, that is a wonderful delicacy. It is bull testicles from the bull fight this morning. A beautiful tradition and wonderful way to experience the local culture. In fact, Senor Pete has even decided to be the matador manana.”

Rock thinks, what the hell? Why not? “Can you go ahead and bring me a plate of those too? It sure looks good.”

The waiter says, “I’m so sorry senor, but we’re out. There’s only one bull fight each day, but if you come by in the morning and place your order we’ll be happy to prepare it for you.”

So in the morning Rock comes in and places his order and prepares to come back that evening. That night when he arrives at the restaurant he doesn’t see Pete, but the waiter has been expecting Rock and welcomes him. When he brings out the dinner it looks different to Rock. The chunks on the plate are small and it smells a little off. Rock waves the waiter over. "Say, this doesn't look very good tonight. I think I'll have something else if that's alright with you. May ask, by the way, why is it so different from last night?"

The waiter looks at Rock and says, "Well, senor, sometimes the bull wins."

And that's exactly what we're going to do to 'em Ags!

This is really going to be a great football game. 2:30 PM on ABC. Two top-ten teams. Explosive offenses. The weather is going to be warm and sunny. The tailgate is going to be awesome. We have a band coming, the ever-popular Jeannie (the bartender), lots of food and beer. Family fun for everyone. More fun for a few of us. Please come on out and have a good time at the tailgate. Tickets or not. We'll be serving food at around 11:30 AM and again after the game.

You know where we are. Just go out the East entrance to Reed Arena. Look for the Army truck, the Fire Truck and all those people in maroon.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta OSU!

Chuck '96

P.S. "Like" us on Facebook. "The Aggie Tailgate" Post your pictures, leave witty messages, no nudes, please (Paul).

Idaho 2011

I want to talk about the upcoming game against the University of Idaho, but I'm having trouble getting past the soap opera that has become the collapse of the Big 12. I'm going to do my best. Please forgive me when it all goes awry.

Here's what I can tell you about Idaho:

They are called "The Vandals" and they play in an indoor stadium called the Kibbie Dome. The Kibbie Dome looks like a converted airplane hanger and it holds about 16,000 people (smallest in D-1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibbie_Dome .

Average attendance is 8,000 - 10,000. They play in the WAC (Fresno St., Hawaii, La. Tech, Nevada, New Mexico St., San Jose St., Utah St.)

That's pretty much all I know. I heard the Tank (coach Sherman) speak very highly of the coaching staff and several veteran players. I heard the same from some of the players at the weekly presser. What that really tells you is the the Tank has done a great job of either 1. putting the right future politicians (err... liars) in front of the microphone or 2. actually keeping this team focused in spite of the circus atmosphere they're living in. Either way I'm impressed.

I kind of like that they're the "Vandals". The name is the result of being dubbed such in a 1917 student newspaper article and it stuck. Apparently the basketball team played such ferocious defense that they "vandalized" opposing teams. To get a name like that today you'd have to get it through the committee. I'm not sure what committee, but you can bet your potato loving butt there would be a committee. The committee would probably suggest a name like "the Sandals" because it sounds like "Vandals" but everyone loves sandals or "the Rascals" which is just like a vandal but much less so.

So, welcome to Texas you lovable Idahoans. They're really called that. I checked. I can't think of anything better. Seems like there's probably a good (or bad) joke in there somewhere.

I wasn't in Vegas this week to check the line on the game. I heard the spread was A&M minus eleventy billion. Not sure though.

Speaking of eleventy billion. That's the latest economic impact estimate being floated by the Baylor people as a result of A&M leaving the Big 12. Ken Starr, Baylor's president and former blue dress investigator, went to Washington D.C. this week. I'm not sure what will come of it, but if Congress can't help him I understand he's prepared to appeal to a higher authority, Oprah.

In all seriousness though, Ken Starr sucks. This is a little beyond pathetic. It's like when someone refuses to sign divorce papers, because, you know, that almost always (i.e. never) works out. There are tons of Ags looking for ways to punish Baylor with boycotts, smear campaigns, refusing to play, etc. I'm not sure what we could possibly do to them that would be more humiliating than what they're doing to themselves. I mean, at the end of they day, they're still "Scrubby little Baylor" (per Jim Rome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj-VinD6jEc ).

Maybe the most interesting thing that's happened here lately is that t.u. might be headed to the ACC. The ACC? Really? Well, they really want to keep this Longhorn Network and none of the big conferences will allow it. So, t.u. may wind up playing in a conference where Florida State is the closest team (868 miles). Those trips are going to be fun.

How ironic would it be if t.u. winds up in a much worse position athletically because of this ESPN TV deal? I imagine a shriveled, bug-eyed, Deloss Dodds on an empty TV broadcast set clutching his ESPN contract in his bony little fingers muttering to himself something about "my precious, my precious". I can't remember if this is what it looked like right before Enron skidded off into a ditch. Seems like it.

Too big to fail. Ha. It's funny when you talk to sips about the whole thing that one of their honest answers about why this will work out for them is "we're Texas". They really believe that being the University of Texas at Austin is a virtue in and of itself, that if Mankind won't give them a fair shake certainly God will (or "fate" for the godless hippie atheists in Austin). They're oblivious to the fact that 12 schools have won more national championships in football than they have and that outside of the state they are viewed as being very much like lots of other "football" schools.

Anyway, that's my rant for today, I guess. I'm pretty excited about the tailgate this weekend. I think the weather is going to be decent. Game time is 6:00 PM. It's only available on TV via pay per view, so you better some on out. We'll be grilling this weekend. Burgers, dogs, chicken, sausage and whatever else shows up. Tons of food for everyone. You got something you want cooked? You bring it, I'll burn it.

Next Weekend is the OSU game. Two top-ten teams on national television. All indications are that this game will be wheels off. I wanted to reach out to everyone now to make sure you can come on down.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Idaho!

Chuck '96

Flashback Thursday

Written July 29, 2010

So, I was sitting in my backyard, drinking some maroon kool-aid, when I was
overcome with the strong belief that this is going to be a very good year to
be an Aggie. It would be correct to point out that I get this feeling every
year about this time. I would counter that I've been right most of the
time. It's always good to be an Aggie. :)

But as it relates to football specifically, I'd like to reaffirm my position
that things are headed in the right direction. We are a trendy pick to be
the surprise team in the Big 12. The media is actually buying into what
we're selling. That hasn't happened very often in the last ten years. Here
are a few tidbits to ponder as the off-season FINALLY starts to wind down
(thank God Almighty).

1. Great teams are led by great quarterbacks. And we have a darn good one
in Jerrod Johnson. Check out this page;
http://football.aggieathletics.com/ There
are interviews and highlight videos of Jerrod. He's one hell of a QB and a
high character young man on top of it. If you aren't impressed by him, your
standards are too high and your observatinal skills questionable.

2. Texas A&M had the #5 Offense in the country last year and is returning
all of its skill position players. It is not unwarranted bravado to say
that each of our skill position starters on offense is good enough to start
for ANY team in the country. Points will not be a problem in 2010. There
are five legitimate, *exciting, game-changing* players to watch on offense.
Jerrod Johnson (ESPN's #1 player in the Big 12, QB), Christine Michael
(violent runner, awesome to watch, RB), Cyrus Gray (can blow through a hole
like Montezuma's Revenge, RB), Jeff Fuller (ESPN's #20 player in the Big 12,
WR), Uzoma Nwachukwa (fast, jumps high, great hands, awesome, WR). Plus,
I'm hearing that as exciting as these receivers were last year, they may
have to fight to keep their starting jobs from Ryan Swope and incoming fish,
Nate Askew.

3. Texas A&M's defense is sporting a returning first-team All American for
the first time in ages. Von Miller is also a Playboy pre-season all
American this year, led the nation in sacks last year (17), and will be
given every chance to repeat as sack champ in 2010 (Check this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu7wh1VNnEo). That's not to say that there
aren't questions on defense. There clearly are. But I think we'll see a
significant improvement. The DB's are solid. The LB's are overall pretty
solid, plus a couple of game changing studs. The line is the question.
There were some flashes of real talent last year, but not enough. We'll
have to see how they perform. We won't be deep on the line, but we could be
decent enough to be ok. It's the the weak point on the defense.

4. Texas A&M's new defensive coordinator, Tim Deruyter, ran dominant
defenses at Air Force. That's right, I said Air Force. They obliterated
the Houston's top 5 offense last year in the Armed Forces Bowl. My point is
that he must know how to put a defense together using inferior talent. What
might he be able to do with middle-of-the-road talent? I expect good
things. A top 50 defense will be enough to make us scary good. Top 30 and
we could win 10.

Other things:
We finished in the top ten (#6) for the Learfield Director's Cup, given to
the school with the overall best athletic department. We beat out the
Obama-lovers to the West (#13). You can express whatever frustration you
want for our lack of success in football, but it's hard to deny that we're
better in every other sport than we were 10 years ago. And we're poised for
another good run in 2010 - 2011. We won back to back national championships
in Men's and Women's Track & Field. That's a legitimate, albeit
unprofitable, sport.

All of that said, I'm just feeling good about being an Aggie. It's time to
get excited about football. Here's the schedule.

9/4 Stephen F. Austin
9/11 La. Tech
9/18 Florida International
10/2 @ Oklahoma State
10/9 Arkansas (in Arlington)
10/16 Missouri
10/23 @ Kansas
10/30 Texas Tech
11/6 Oklahoma
11/13 @ Baylor
11/20 Nebraska
11/25 @ t.u.

Say what you will, but I could see us being 8 - 0 when OU comes to town.
Check out this video to get a little pumped up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9CvB4mbJys


Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta SFA!
-Chuck '96

SMU, SEC, and Other Ramblings.

Let me start by saying this one is absurdly long even by my own stupid standards. I wouldn't read it unless you just can't help it. ok. here it goes...

I’m not sure I really understand the basis for the theory that they world is going to end in 2012. Something about Aztecs or Mayans or Nostradomus or something. Whatever the reasons, I keep hearing that 2012 is the year, so we better win the football championship this year. The world is going to end. Admittedly, this is not the first time we thought the whole thing was going to end. I did a little internetting and found that this "end of days" thing has been predicted fairly regularly since the 1500's. Starting in the 20th century the predictions sometimes include aliens, which I think is a nice touch. Hell, based on what all my Republican friends were saying after the 2008 election, I thought we were going to be done in a couple of years ago. But here we stand.

For now.

You see, now the folks in Waco are predicting that the Ags leaving the Big 12 may just cause the end of the world in 2012. They could be right. And in spite of Governor Perry’s reassurances to the contrary, even I am finding it hard to completely dismiss the possibility of global warming since it’s a million degrees outside. Seems a little hellish. And tell me that someone named “Lady Gaga” wearing a dress made of raw meat, and getting accolades for it, isn't some kind of a sign. Even if it’s not the end of the world, these are strange times indeed. And yet, here we all are.

For now.

I have a theory (and why shouldn’t I). I really think God does plan to end things around here eventually, but not before he answers my third prayer of every night from the last several years. Here's my standard prayer list:

1. Dear God, please bless and protect my family, friends, people in the military, Christians everywhere, whoever you deem fit to enter your kingdom, and any of the Hippies in Austin willing to admit their mistake.
2. If it’s really not ok with you that I’m such a jack-ass, please help me change. However, I'll need some kind of a sign or I'm plowing ahead just like yesterday.
3. And for the love of God please, dear Lord, before the end of the world, let the Ags win a national championship in any of the varsity outdoor men’s contact sports involving the use of an oblong ball. Please. And I don't mean rugby. It's gotta be football to count.

The truth is that it’s been a long time since the Ags brought home that kind of hardware for football. The first, last and only national championship for football for the Ags was in 1939. As I understand it they didn’t even have a trophy back then. Each player was just given a pack of Lucky Strikes and a bus ticket home for the holidays.

It’s actually shaping up to be a heck of a season so far considering it hasn't even started. Heading into the first game we’re still undefeated and have had no season ending injuries to speak of. Most of the prognosticators have ranked A&M variously between #8 and #12 in the country. The schedule lines up favorably except for a road trip to Norman to play the #1 ranked Sooners and a potential trap game in Lubbock. Fans are feeling a wave of excitement about joining the SEC in 2012. And not coincidentally, for the first time at A&M we have sold out of season tickets. There is a lot of excitement in Aggieland.

And there’s that little matter of the team. I’ll try to be brief here so there’s more time for my meandering stream of consciousness ramblings.

Offense – I’m very comfortable saying we have the best overall collection of skill-position talent in the Big 12, and maybe the country. I believe every one of them will get drafted into the NFL. Senior WR Jeff Fuller will be an All-American and go in the top 10 in this spring's draft. Senior QB Ryan Tannehill is as good as anyone in the conference and has the size, skill and intelligence to play in the league. Both of our tailbacks are NFL type guys. Senior Cyrus Gray is blazing fast 6-0 205 lb shifty back and Junior RB Christine Michael is a 5-11, 221 lb can of whoopass just waiting to obliterate anyone in his way. The O-line is extremely talented and will be a tough match-up for everyone we play. And we have depth. When asked what his biggest concerns were on offense, Mike Sherman stated,”Well, we’re not sure who our #3 tailback is going to be yet.” You gotta like that.

Defense –Probably the biggest coup in recruiting this year was keeping defensive coordinator Tim Deruyter from taking a head coaching job somewhere else. Last year’s unit finished ranked at just #50 in overall defense, but that was an improvement of 50 spots from the prior year. Statistics tells us we should have the # 1 overall defense in the country this year. Well, bad statistics and some help from those little bottles of liquor you get on the airplane. In the second year in Deruyter's system I expect to see a much more consistent command of the defense from the players in general. I also expect to see blitzes coming from all over the field instead of just watching Von Miller blow past people all season long (yawn...). We only lost three starters from last year’s unit and have added a lot of valuable depth along the line and in the linebacking corps. The secondary should be the strength of this defense with a lot of returning experienced playmakers. Keep an eye on Stephen Campbell, Trent Hunter, Dustin Harris and Coryell Judie.

Special Teams – OK. We’re probably not going to be great here. The kicking should be good. The return game could be great. But, we’re unsettled at punter and I won’t believe we’ve got coverage figured out until I see it with my own eyes. We recruited a great punter in the spring, but he missed most of fall camp with an injury.

I think we’re in better shape as a team than we’ve been since 1998. Every team needs a little luck to win it all. We’ll need a little more than some others might, but it’s shaping up to be a very good season.

And now on to the SEC question. What an interesting summer this has been. The media appears split on the issue of our pending departure. Many writers are chastising and in some cases condemning the Ags for ostensibly destroying the Big 12. Other writers are correctly pointing to the greed coming out of Austin for continually weakening and, ultimately, destroying the conference. Either way, we’re gone. The Big 12 will try to add one or more new members, but will still probably be disbanded within a few years. What matters most in musical chairs is that you have a chair when the music stops. We’re ensuring that have a good one playing in college football's finest host cities like Auburn, Baton Rouge, Knoxville, and Tuscaloosa. Baylor, on the other hand, will be playing in towns like Fort Collins, Laramie, Boise, Reno and Albuquerque.

What about tu? I’ve been surprised at the ambivalence on both sides to the question of the Thanksgiving rivalry with tu continuing after 2011. Lots of people are ready to call it quits and never play them again. “We’ll just play LSU or Arkansas on Thanksgiving.” Personally I’d like it to continue playing tu because I can’t imagine trying to use a chainsaw on a Hog or a Tiger. But then again, I can’t imagine staying on the Titanic that is the Big 12 just so we can continue to play the sips every year. That’s not like staying in a bad marriage for the kids. It’s like staying in a bad marriage for the tax benefits. It's just not worth it.

So my belief is that right now is just the wrong time to decide the fate of the rivalry. We need to let things cool down so it’s not strictly an emotional decision. The Ags have expressed an interest in continuing the 117 year tradition. The ball is now in tu’s court. We’ll see what happens. I can say, with some certainty, that this is going to be on hell of a Thanksgiving game in College Station.

But until then it is finally time

for

the

First Game !!!!!

So what about SMU? We’ll host the SMU mustangs on Sunday, September 3rd in the evening. It could be a pretty good game, really. June Jones was brought in to resurrect the program and he seems to be on the right track. I can’t name a single player on their roster and I don't know what their record was last year. I did watch them play TCU tight for a half last year in Dallas. I don’t know if that counts as research or not, but I did a little statistical "research" over the weekend. I’m actually writing this on a plane back from Vegas and while I was there I checked the spread on the A&M SMU game. I know you can get that on-line, but I'm shooting for authenticity here. The odds makers like the Ags in this one. Ags favored by 16.5. I didn’t bet on that game, but I did put $20 on the Ags to win it all at 30:1.

And the Tailgate? Oh, we’ll have a little somethin’, somethin’ going on for the game. Believe it or not Tim and I are going down on Thursday night to make sure we get all our junk in place on Friday for a game on Sunday. I guess we’ll cook on Saturday some, but Sunday is the big time I expect all of you to be there. Why not, right? A Sunday night game on a holiday weekend is just an invitation to barbecue. Expect a little bit of everything, a great crowd and a good time.

We look forward to seeing you there.

Gig ‘em and Beat the Hell Outta SMU!

Chuck ‘96

P.S. We have a facebook presence. Look for "The Aggie Tailgate".

How Aggie Football Ruined My Life

While I was in school at dear old A&M I had what you might call occasional "grade abnormalities". We were just so darn good during that period I couldn't help but watch every game. I guess if there was any upside to what happened to Aggie Football from 1996 to 2009 it was that it allowed me to concentrate on my work at least a little. Yeah, there was the 1998 season in there, but I was living in Wisconsin so I missed it. That's Big 10 country and there's not a lot of Aggie football on TV up there.

But now... Now I'm screwed. I can't concentrate on work and now is not the time for me to take a breather. Not only are the Ags in the pre-season top ten for the first time since 1999, there's also all the drama about leaving for the SEC. In case you aren't completely obsessed with the Big 12 and college football in general here's a quick rundown.

- t.u. struck a deal with ESPN for $300 Million over 20 years for the Longhorn Network.

- t.u. told the conference that they were only going to put one t.u. game on the network each year

- ESPN announced that they were going to air high school football games of recruits that t.u. was targeting.

- everyone got mad and rumors started circulating that we were headed to the SEC

- t.u. said "we didn't know about the high school games" and "we want what's best for the conference" and "ESPN controls all the programming stuff"

- through a Freedom of Information Act request, the contract with ESPN has been made public.

- the contract makes it clear that t.u. always intended to air high school games, always intended to air more than one football game, and has been making plans to be an independent (ala Notre Dame)

- moreover, t.u. has editorial rights over ESPN and ESPN must place them in a positive light.

Drama, drama, drama...

Mostly it just looks like t.u. is out for themselves and can't be trusted. As Gomer Pyle used to say "Surprise, Surprise, Surprise..."

Well, now it appears that the SEC and A&M have been in talks for a few weeks and the scuttlebutt in SEC country is that we're headed that way. Fans from all the Confederate states are talking about it. They seem generally pleased about the development.

No one seems to know what will happen to the A&M / t.u. rivalry if we leave. I imagine all of the other rivalries are dead (Baylor, Tech, OU). t.u. may declare that if we leave the conference we can no longer play t.u. in football. Hard to imagine, but so is a downgrade of U.S. sovereign debt. No one is sure what will happen.

Personally I like the idea of playing Alabama, Auburn, Ol' Miss, LSU, Arkansas, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida. I think it sounds like a lot of fun.

Anyway, I thought an update was in order so I could get back to work.

The players reported to Fall camp yesterday. They start practicing tonight. It's almost here. 26 Days 'til Aggie Football, Baby!

Gig 'em,

Chuck

The First of Many

Howdy!

Betcha thought this was all behind you. :)

Autumn is in the air. The leaves are turning brown, the grass is dying... ...and my yard gnome spontaneously burst into flames.

Autumn, right?

It seems like the fall ought to be here. I'm ready for it. Football is starting to unveil itself once again in dramatic fashion and I've had about enough of this *%$^# summer.

In case you missed it, here's a quick recap of Aggie sports in the 2010 - 2011 school year. We were good to great in everything except Volleyball, Women's Tennis, and Cross Country. We won nine conference championships and three national championships (four if you count equestrian), the most of any school in the Big 12. The Women's basketball team won the ncaa tournament. Pat Henry's Track & Field teams each won an unprecedented 3rd consecutive National Championship in Outdoor Track & Field. The baseball team went to Omaha for the first time since 1999. The Basketball team went to the ncaa tournament again, not losing until the second round to a surprisingly good Florida State team. Softball, Soccer, Men's Golf, Men's Tennis and Baseball all finished in the top ten. I lose track of everything else, but it was a really good year. Finished 8th overall in the Learfield Director's Cup standings. As a point of comparison, t.u. whose athletic budget is 60% larger than A&M's finished ($120 Million vs. $74 Million) finished 12th overall.

And, of course, there was Football. What an exciting season. We won our last six regular season games in a row after finally putting Ryan Tannehill in for Jerrod Johnson. You can only imagine what would have happened if we had made the change at QB earlier in the season. Would we have had five turnovers in Stillwater allowing OSU to come back from a double digit second half deficit to kick a game winner as the clock ran out? Would we have let Missouri beat us in Kyle Field? What else might have been different for the Aggies? No one knows for certain, but I'm comfortable saying that we'd most likely have had the chance to turn down an Obama invitation to the White House.

In spite of that missed opportunity, we won nine games and beat OU, Nebraska and t.u. (in Austin) all in the same season. We eventually lost to a very good LSU team in the Cotton Bowl (which all of the t-sip players got to see because they were home with momma). Coach Sherman went from the hot seat to a raise and contract extension.

Man, I love football.

Now, why would I say that football is "unveiling itself in dramatic fashion"? Here it goes: Recently the Longhorn Network (LHN) announced that they would carry high school football games of athletes they were recruiting. Everyone cried fowl and the Aggies threatened to head to the SEC. Then LHN announced a deal to air t.u. conference football game, only they hadn't talked to the other conference teams about it. Everyone cried fowl and the Aggies threatened to head to the SEC. Then LHN announced that some of these high-school games might feature out of state recruits... You could actually hear the collective grunt of alarm from Alabama, Ohio State, Michigan, Florida, LSU and all of the other schools who thought t.u. was only a pain in A&M's butt. And, you guessed it, everyone really cried fowl and the Aggies threatened to head to the SEC. The Big 12 said "Hey, Mr. Bigshot, who do you think you are?" and declared no high school or conference games on LHN this year.

At the Big 12-2 media days, Dan Beebe has been trying his best to not show that he knows his time is up. Mack Brown had the gumption to say that national broadcasts of high school games on a network literally plastered with t.u. propaganda would in no way be a recruiting advantage. How could he tell such a lie right through his butter colored teeth? Unbelievable. Meanwhile, A&M is quietly showing former students new plans to overhaul Kyle Field and to build an "athletic village" the likes of which no one has ever seen. Of course having never seen an athletic village, who can say if it is a good village or a bad one. The price tag leads me to believe it's going to be a dandy. Add to all of that the fact that A&M is already racking up one heck of a recruiting class for 2012, and there's been enough summer football to keep anyone's attention.

We'll be very good this year with 10 returners on offense and 8 on defense. In our second year in the 3-4 Deruyter defense we should be as good or better than we were last year in spite of losing Von Miller, the second overall pick in the NFL draft. Our offense features the two best runners in the Big 12, a gritty O-line, an all-American wide receiver, and one tough SOB at QB. I like our chances. In all honesty, we could win every game on our schedule. I think we're likely to win all of them except OU. A lot of good teams have gone into Norman happy and headed back out a lot less so over the last ten years. I was there for 77-0, so I'm reluctant to predict a win, but I do think it's possible.

Would 11 regular season wins be enough? Maybe. I'm hoping for 12. I'm awfully excited about this upcoming season. I hope you got that from everything I wrote above. You know my motto, "Never miss a meal." But I've also been known to say "Why use ten words when a thousand will do?" Right? Anyway, this post is just a test. No jokes and very little wit or substance (clearly different from my normal literary masterpieces). I just want to get it out there to let you know that (1.) I have not died yet; and (2.) Football is coming.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta this Goddam Heat!
Chuck Berend '96