The Army Truck

The Army Truck

Friday, September 5, 2014


I probably don’t need to tell you about our game last week.  So much has already been written, said and otherwise expressed in Carolina expletives about that woodshed beating that there’s just not much for me to add.  Ours was the debut game on the new SEC Network and it was a humdinger.  Sophomore QB Kenny Hill played lights out and passed for over 500 yards against a SC defense that was supposed to be pretty decent.  A&M’s defense held up very well against what was supposed to be the best offensive line in the SEC.  The final result, a previously overlooked A&M is now a top ten team with three cupcakes on the docket.  Life is pretty good right now, apart from a couple of injuries.  A.J. Hilliard, a transfer linebacker from TCU, dislocated his ankle (ouch!) and Cam Clear, our massive Tight End, sprained his.  Everyone else is ok and the rookies looked pretty good for the most part.
Side story about South Carolina.  One of our friends was in a restaurant before the game in Columbia.  The Ags came on TV and she let out a WHOOP.  A nicely dressed elderly lady came up to her and told her she would murder her if she ever did that again.  Apparently Miss Daisy was dead serious too.  Welcome to the SEC, Christine.  What do you say to a woman like that?
You say, Whoooooooooop!  Beeeyyyaaatttcccchhh.
South Carolina is coached by the legendary Steve Spurrier.  Steve had a lot to say about the game after the fact, but I think this one quote sums it up completely, “we are still, and always will be, embarrassed by our performance Thursday night.”
In other news, the first tailgate of the year is coming up.  Excitement at the Berend house is palpable (which as it turns out is different from palpatable, but not as different as you might think).  I’ve been telling Theresa for weeks now about how excited I was to have everyone get liquored up and check out my sausage.  I’ve got the cooker in our driveway, which I think is awesome.  My assumption is that when people see it they think “if I win the lottery I’m going to have a cooker like that.”  I’m pretty sure Theresa thinks we look like Honey Boo Boo’s family, cookin’ up the road kill I hit on the drive home last night.  After 17 years of marriage I’ve learned the key to a happy life is for her to let me have my delusions, and the tailgate, and beer.
What, you may ask, are we celebrating with this first glorious tailgate?  Nothing less than the first game ever in Kyle Field 2.0.
And who will be our first guest in this grid iron gala?  Nothing less than LAMAR UNIVERSITY!!!!
Oh yeahhhhhh….
Look, I don’t know anything about Lamar and honestly I’m too lazy to do the research.  This isn’t a Wile E. Coyote ACME rocket situation.  No sir.  No research necessary.  A lion doesn't need a plan for killing the slowest gazelle, he just does it. 
Well, Lamar is the slowest gazelle.  What do you really need to know about the damn gazelle anyway?
Maybe something.  Here’s a little history of the slowest gazelle.  Lamar is a small university in Beaumont, TX. Well, not that small.  They have about 14,000 students.  Anyway, one day, early in the history of Lamar Univeristy, for the very first time ever, and for every day after that, no one cared.
Scheduling quirks aside, it’s a great time to be watching A&M football live and in color. And even if you don’t go to the game, you can just stay at the tailgate and help us celebrate the end of Not Season with some of the finest beer in Texas.  Our friends at Real Ale, Brooklyn Brewery and Sierra Nevada have stepped up again to make sure no Red Solo Cup goes dry on our watch.  Country music from a bygone era of feathered hair and unreasonably tight blue jeans will fill the air.  The barbecue is guaranteed to make you want to drink more of that fine craft beer.  And I believe we will have our lovely bartender back as well.
For the regulars, if you'll drop me a line if you're coming then I know more or less how many people to expect, although you should feel free to drop in regardless. The more the merrier.  In a reversal of prior policy, if you're dying to help out with a side dish, a little physical labor or a few dead presidents, we're no longer too proud to accept help. This party has simply gotten bigger than we could have ever imagined but I just don't see us stopping any time soon.
It’s going to be a good time and you’ll be glad you came.  The game starts at 6:30 PM, which means all day to socialize.  I hope you’ll come out and join the  party.  We’ll be in the same place as the ten prior years, outside the East entrance to Reed Arena.  Look for the big Army truck and all the happy Aggies.
Gig ‘em and Beat the Hell Outta Lamar!
Chuck  ‘96

No comments:

Post a Comment