FIRST HOME GAME Y'ALL!!!!!

I probably don’t need to tell you about our game last week.  So much has already been written, said and otherwise expressed in Carolina expletives about that woodshed beating that there’s just not much for me to add.  Ours was the debut game on the new SEC Network and it was a humdinger.  Sophomore QB Kenny Hill played lights out and passed for over 500 yards against a SC defense that was supposed to be pretty decent.  A&M’s defense held up very well against what was supposed to be the best offensive line in the SEC.  The final result, a previously overlooked A&M is now a top ten team with three cupcakes on the docket.  Life is pretty good right now, apart from a couple of injuries.  A.J. Hilliard, a transfer linebacker from TCU, dislocated his ankle (ouch!) and Cam Clear, our massive Tight End, sprained his.  Everyone else is ok and the rookies looked pretty good for the most part.

 

Side story about South Carolina.  One of our friends was in a restaurant before the game in Columbia.  The Ags came on TV and she let out a WHOOP.  A nicely dressed elderly lady came up to her and told her she would murder her if she ever did that again.  Apparently Miss Daisy was dead serious too.  Welcome to the SEC, Christine.  What do you say to a woman like that?

 

You say, Whoooooooooop!  Beeeyyyaaatttcccchhh.

 

South Carolina is coached by the legendary Steve Spurrier.  Steve had a lot to say about the game after the fact, but I think this one quote sums it up completely, “we are still, and always will be, embarrassed by our performance Thursday night.”

 

In other news, the first tailgate of the year is coming up.  Excitement at the Berend house is palpable (which as it turns out is different from palpatable, but not as different as you might think).  I’ve been telling Theresa for weeks now about how excited I was to have everyone get liquored up and check out my sausage.  I’ve got the cooker in our driveway, which I think is awesome.  My assumption is that when people see it they think “if I win the lottery I’m going to have a cooker like that.”  I’m pretty sure Theresa thinks we look like Honey Boo Boo’s family, cookin’ up the road kill I hit on the drive home last night.  After 17 years of marriage I’ve learned the key to a happy life is for her to let me have my delusions, and the tailgate, and beer.

 

What, you may ask, are we celebrating with this first glorious tailgate?  Nothing less than the first game ever in Kyle Field 2.0.

 

And who will be our first guest in this grid iron gala?  Nothing less than LAMAR UNIVERSITY!!!!

 

Oh yeahhhhhh….

 

Look, I don’t know anything about Lamar and honestly I’m too lazy to do the research.  This isn’t a Wile E. Coyote ACME rocket situation.  No sir.  No research necessary.  A lion doesn't need a plan for killing the slowest gazelle, he just does it. 

 

Well, Lamar is the slowest gazelle.  What do you really need to know about the damn gazelle anyway?

 

Maybe something.  Here’s a little history of the slowest gazelle.  Lamar is a small university in Beaumont, TX. Well, not that small.  They have about 14,000 students.  Anyway, one day, early in the history of Lamar Univeristy, for the very first time ever, and for every day after that, no one cared.

 

Scheduling quirks aside, it’s a great time to be watching A&M football live and in color. And even if you don’t go to the game, you can just stay at the tailgate and help us celebrate the end of Not Season with some of the finest beer in Texas.  Our friends at Real Ale, Brooklyn Brewery and Sierra Nevada have stepped up again to make sure no Red Solo Cup goes dry on our watch.  Country music from a bygone era of feathered hair and unreasonably tight blue jeans will fill the air.  The barbecue is guaranteed to make you want to drink more of that fine craft beer.  And I believe we will have our lovely bartender back as well.

 

For the regulars, if you'll drop me a line if you're coming then I know more or less how many people to expect, although you should feel free to drop in regardless. The more the merrier.  In a reversal of prior policy, if you're dying to help out with a side dish, a little physical labor or a few dead presidents, we're no longer too proud to accept help. This party has simply gotten bigger than we could have ever imagined but I just don't see us stopping any time soon.

 

It’s going to be a good time and you’ll be glad you came.  The game starts at 6:30 PM, which means all day to socialize.  I hope you’ll come out and join the  party.  We’ll be in the same place as the ten prior years, outside the East entrance to Reed Arena.  Look for the big Army truck and all the happy Aggies.

 

Gig ‘em and Beat the Hell Outta Lamar!

 

Chuck  ‘96

Witty subjects are hard to write: Aggies Gamecocks and Other Musings

There’s a lot to talk about this year. Seems like that’s the case every year. One of these days I’d like to have an Alabama situation where there’s nothing to talk about until the title game, and then it’s just “So, where do you guys want to go celebrate afterward?” I don’t see us having that particular discussion this season. There are too many question marks on defense, too much youth and inexperience and an unsettled quarterback position.

The media geniuses have us finishing anywhere from 9-3 to 6-6.  To be fair, the guy picking us to go 6-6 is named "Booger."  Booger MacFarland was a 300 lbs defensive tackle at LSU and later for the Bucs.  I'm pretty sure he could have asked to be called anything in the world, including "Your Highness" or "Mega Man" and he'd have gotten his way.  But he picked "Booger."

Booger.

Boooooooooogerrrrrrrr.

Yeah, I can't get over that.

He picked Booger.

He could have picked 12 random letters from a Scrabble bag and come up with a more confidence-inspiring name than "Booger."

Anyway, enough about Booger's picking.  (that's a lot of set up to get to booger picking)

The truth is everyone is focused on losing 3 first round picks on offense, and losing three meaningful starters on defense.  The quick version of my personal belief is that we'll be able to reload on offense and how could we possibly be any worse on defense?

We did lose three of my all-time favorite players off one of our very best offenses ever.  But after the first round no one else got drafted, so everyone else we lost was average at best.  We lost top ten pick at left tackle Jake Matthews, and we're replacing  him with 2015 top ten draft pick at left tackle Cedric Obueghi.  I'm good there.  We lost Mr. Post-game Interview himself, Mike Evans, at WR.  I think we'll miss him, but not as much as you might assume.  There's an embarrassment of talent behind him on the roster, including Louisiana freshman phenom Speedy Noil.  I think we are all going to like Speedy.

So what about ol' JFF?  Can Aggie Football survive without Mr. Football?  I actually think the offense will be just as prolific without Johnny, maybe more. Sumlin's offense is based on taking what the defense is giving, and a lot of times that means a short check-down pass.  Johnny didn't  throw those passes much. Right or wrong, that just wasn't how he ran this offense.  You'll see Kenny Hill throw fewer deep passes, but a lot more short stuff and hopefully we'll wind up in fewer 3rd and long situations.

The defense, Lordy Lordy, that defense was bad last year.  There's not really another way to say it.  If you haven't kept up, we had a bad defense last year and we followed it up by dismissing our two best defenders during the Not Season (that's the "other" season, Football Season being the first).  The bright spots on the field last year were Isaiah Golden and Darian Claiborne, both of whom were thrown off the team for dealing drugs and beating people up. They needed to go. We'll be better off without them in the long run, and maybe in the short run too.  And overall I don't see any way that the defense can be any worse.  We were extremely thin up front last year, pretty light and pretty young.  We're still pretty young, but we've addressed the other concerns.  Having more depth and size up front will make it easier for the secondary to play their positions and not cheat up.  I predict that our defensive backs are going to look much improved, but it's all due to improved play on the line.

That said, I just hope Howard Matthews doesn't get burned on a wheel rout early in the year.

In other news, I don't know if anyone heard about this -- it was announced in the Longhorn Network so probably not -- but t.u. hired a new coach this off season.  There's so much to be said about that whole deal that I can't fit it all in one email.  Mack Brown, the second most successful coach in t.u. history got fired last year.  It was rumored that t.u. was going to hire Nick Saban for $10 Million per year, but that didn't happen.  Also not taking the position were Jim Tressell, Jim Harbaugh, Urban Meyer, Art Briles or anyone else that was on the first and second list.  They eventually hired Charlie Strong, who appears to be a short, bald, African-middle-earthian hobbit.  Charlie is all about discipline, so he kicked about 7 players of the team for violating the team's strict five-strike drug testing policy.  A couple of others were dismissed for violations of the team's lesser known policies on violence and sexual assault.  For the first time in a long, long time, no t.u. players were selected in the NFL draft.  The team also lost its longhorn decals, the right to walk on the longhorn in the carpet, the right to live as adults (they all moved into the dorms), the right to self govern (the coaches also moved into the dorms), their smoothie bar and the right to throw the hook 'em sign.  Recruiting has been craptastic for the last couple of years and there's not a lot of depth at key positions.  Against the advice of his family and doctors, oft-injured quarterback David Ash is going to come back and try to play again (concussions).  The outlook on the 40 acres is bleak.  Heh, heh,  heh...I'm loving this.

A better man would not revel in all of this.

Well, just like I remind my wife during most fights, a better man isn't here right now. You're stuck with me.

Hello.  Theresa here.  Ummm, I never ever insert myself into these things, but I have to say that other than Chuck's schadenfreude regarding the t.u. situation, he is actually a very good man and I never say that shit to him. That is all.

My guess is they go 6-6, maybe 7-5.  They're going to get smoked by Baylor, OU, UCLA, KSU and hopefully Tech (just 'cause it's extra humiliating) and MAYBE lose to a couple more (BYU and possible OSU).  Think about that for a second, it's basically a foregone conclusion that t.u. can't keep up with Baylor.  Bwaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaahaaaa...

Ok. Enough of that.  There's a whole season of t-sip misery ahead of us.  I don't want to be accused of premature emasculation.  Back to Aggie football.

We're headed to Columbia, SC this week (figuratively speaking, of course, because I will not be actually attending since I have an important form to fill out and maybe an unmemorable meeting to attend) to play the University of South Carolina Gamecocks on Thursday night.  USCe as they are sometimes called has been good for several years now.  The old Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier, is at the helm for the 9th year, I think.  He's been successful everywhere he's been. Well, everywhere except the Redskins where he was 12-20 and got fired after two seasons.  But, if you put that out of your  mind, you can see how playing against a Spurrier team on the road seems like an insurmountable task.  Obviously we're doomed.  There's no hope.

Then again, Coach Kevin Damn Sumlin, while certainly less experienced, is no slouch either.  In fact, his prolific use of recent technological innovations (like the telephone) may give KDS an advantage in recruiting and relating to his players.  Honestly, I'm not sure Spurrier knows what to do with Facebook.  He thinks Instagram is just a really fast grandparent.  And Twitter is what his heart did back in the roaring twenties when he took his sweetheart to a Charlie Chaplin film and she held his hand for the first time.  I bet Charlie wasn't the only tramp that night, if you know what I mean...

...hell, I don't even know what I mean.  I'm just making stuff up.  But my point is that Steve is old and Kevin is young.

Young & Hip vs. Just Replaced Hip

Speaking of new and awesome, Kyle Field is amazing.  I'll just leave it at that for now. Go to College Station and take a look sometime.  Un-freakin-believable.  Wow.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about this season.  We could really surprise some folks.  It's kind of a tall task with a new quarterback and an unproven defense, but I'm still excited.

As always, if you want to get off the list for any reason at all, it won't hurt my feelings one bit.  Just send me an email that states why you aren't cool enough to be included any longer and a $5 disconnect fee, $10 if you don't want to have to explain it.  If you send $20, you can get someone else dropped for no reason at all.  For $100 I'll call your name out at the tailgate and say a prayer for you at mass.  I won't tell you what $1,000 gets you, but it's totally not worth it unless you're a girl, and probably not then either.

If you want to add someone to the list, just send me an email address and tell me if they have any allergies I should know about.  Last year I invited discussion on some of the emails, but it turned out that not everyone agreed with me, so it wasn't the ego boost I was expecting.  Live and learn, I guess.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta South Carolina!

Chuck '96

Witty subjects are hard to write: Aggies Gamecocks and Other Musings

There’s a lot to talk about this year. Seems like that’s the case every year. One of these days I’d like to have an Alabama situation where there’s nothing to talk about until the title game, and then it’s just “So, where do you guys want to go celebrate afterward?” I don’t see us having that particular discussion this season. There are too many question marks on defense, too much youth and inexperience and an unsettled quarterback position.

The media geniuses have us finishing anywhere from 9-3 to 6-6. To be fair, the guy picking us to go 6-6 is named "Booger." Booger MacFarland was a 300 lbs defensive tackle at LSU and later for the Bucs. I'm pretty sure he could have asked to be called anything in the world, including "Your Highness" or "Mega Man" and he'd have gotten his way. But he picked "Booger."

Booger.

Boooooooooogerrrrrrrr.

Yeah, I can't get over that.

He picked Booger.

He could have picked 12 random letters from a Scrabble bag and come up with a more confidence-inspiring name than "Booger."

Anyway, enough about Booger's picking. (that's a lot of set up to get to booger picking)

The truth is everyone is focused on losing 3 first round picks on offense, and losing three meaningful starters on defense. The quick version of my personal belief is that we'll be able to reload on offense and how could we possibly be any worse on defense?

We did lose three of my all-time favorite players off one of our very best offenses ever. But after the first round no one else got drafted, so everyone else we lost was average at best. We lost top ten pick at left tackle Jake Matthews, and we're replacing him with 2015 top ten draft pick at left tackle Cedric Obueghi. I'm good there. We lost Mr. Post-game Interview himself, Mike Evans, at WR. I think we'll miss him, but not as much as you might assume. There's an embarrassment of talent behind him on the roster, including Louisiana freshman phenom Speedy Noil. I think we are all going to like Speedy.

So what about ol' JFF? Can Aggie Football survive without Mr. Football? I actually think the offense will be just as prolific without Johnny, maybe more. Sumlin's offense is based on taking what the defense is giving, and a lot of times that means a short check-down pass. Johnny didn't throw those passes much. Right or wrong, that just wasn't how he ran this offense. You'll see Kenny Hill throw fewer deep passes, but a lot more short stuff and hopefully we'll wind up in fewer 3rd and long situations.

The defense, Lordy Lordy, that defense was bad last year. There's not really another way to say it. If you haven't kept up, we had a bad defense last year and we followed it up by dismissing our two best defenders during the Not Season (that's the "other" season, Football Season being the first). The bright spots on the field last year were Isaiah Golden and Darian Claiborne, both of whom were thrown off the team for dealing drugs and beating people up. They needed to go. We'll be better off without them in the long run, and maybe in the short run too. And overall I don't see any way that the defense can be any worse. We were extremely thin up front last year, pretty light and pretty young. We're still pretty young, but we've addressed the other concerns. Having more depth and size up front will make it easier for the secondary to play their positions and not cheat up. I predict that our defensive backs are going to look much improved, but it's all due to improved play on the line.

That said, I just hope Howard Matthews doesn't get burned on a wheel rout early in the year.

In other news, I don't know if anyone heard about this -- it was announced in the Longhorn Network so probably not -- but t.u. hired a new coach this off season. There's so much to be said about that whole deal that I can't fit it all in one email. Mack Brown, the second most successful coach in t.u. history got fired last year. It was rumored that t.u. was going to hire Nick Saban for $10 Million per year, but that didn't happen. Also not taking the position were Jim Tressell, Jim Harbaugh, Urban Meyer, Art Briles or anyone else that was on the first and second list. They eventually hired Charlie Strong, who appears to be a short, bald, African-middle-earthian hobbit. Charlie is all about discipline, so he kicked about 7 players of the team for violating the team's strict five-strike drug testing policy. A couple of others were dismissed for violations of the team's lesser known policies on violence and sexual assault. For the first time in a long, long time, no t.u. players were selected in the NFL draft. The team also lost its longhorn decals, the right to walk on the longhorn in the carpet, the right to live as adults (they all moved into the dorms), the right to self govern (the coaches also moved into the dorms), their smoothie bar and the right to throw the hook 'em sign. Recruiting has been craptastic for the last couple of years and there's not a lot of depth at key positions. Against the advice of his family and doctors, oft-injured quarterback David Ash is going to come back and try to play again (concussions). The outlook on the 40 acres is bleak. Heh, heh, heh...I'm loving this.

A better man would not revel in all of this.

Well, just like I remind my wife during most fights, a better man isn't here right now. You're stuck with me.

Hello. Theresa here. Ummm, I never ever insert myself into these things, but I have to say that other than Chuck's schadenfreude regarding the t.u. situation, he is actually a very good man and I never say that shit to him. That is all.

My guess is they go 6-6, maybe 7-5. They're going to get smoked by Baylor, OU, UCLA, KSU and hopefully Tech (just 'cause it's extra humiliating) and MAYBE lose to a couple more (BYU and possible OSU). Think about that for a second, it's basically a foregone conclusion that t.u. can't keep up with Baylor. Bwaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaahaaaa...

Ok. Enough of that. There's a whole season of t-sip misery ahead of us. I don't want to be accused of premature emasculation. Back to Aggie football.

We're headed to Columbia, SC this week (figuratively speaking, of course, because I will not be actually attending since I have an important form to fill out and maybe an unmemorable meeting to attend) to play the University of South Carolina Gamecocks on Thursday night. USCe as they are sometimes called has been good for several years now. The old Ball Coach, Steve Spurrier, is at the helm for the 9th year, I think. He's been successful everywhere he's been. Well, everywhere except the Redskins where he was 12-20 and got fired after two seasons. But, if you put that out of your mind, you can see how playing against a Spurrier team on the road seems like an insurmountable task. Obviously we're doomed. There's no hope.

Then again, Coach Kevin Damn Sumlin, while certainly less experienced, is no slouch either. In fact, his prolific use of recent technological innovations (like the telephone) may give KDS an advantage in recruiting and relating to his players. Honestly, I'm not sure Spurrier knows what to do with Facebook. He thinks Instagram is just a really fast grandparent. And Twitter is what his heart did back in the roaring twenties when he took his sweetheart to a Charlie Chaplin film and she held his hand for the first time. I bet Charlie wasn't the only tramp that night, if you know what I mean...

...hell, I don't even know what I mean. I'm just making stuff up. But my point is that Steve is old and Kevin is young.

Young & Hip vs. Just Replaced Hip

Speaking of new and awesome, Kyle Field is amazing. I'll just leave it at that for now. Go to College Station and take a look sometime. Un-freakin-believable. Wow.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about this season. We could really surprise some folks. It's kind of a tall task with a new quarterback and an unproven defense, but I'm still excited.

As always, if you want to get off the list for any reason at all, it won't hurt my feelings one bit. Just send me an email that states why you aren't cool enough to be included any longer and a $5 disconnect fee, $10 if you don't want to have to explain it. If you send $20, you can get someone else dropped for no reason at all. For $100 I'll call your name out at the tailgate and say a prayer for you at mass. I won't tell you what $1,000 gets you, but it's totally not worth it unless you're a girl, and probably not then either.

If you want to add someone to the list, just send me an email address and tell me if they have any allergies I should know about. Last year I invited discussion on some of the emails, but it turned out that not everyone agreed with me, so it wasn't the ego boost I was expecting. Live and learn, I guess.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta South Carolina!

Chuck '96