I’ve often thought about how my friends aren’t perfect. And
I don’t really want them to be, actually. Who would want to have to live up to
that?
“Hey,
Chuck.”
“Hey
there, Prescott Worthington III. What have you been up to?”
“Not
much. I got home early from teaching that Calculus/Bikram Yoga class, so I just
had enough time rebuild the tranny in my ’67 Camaro before I whipped up a
soufflé for the little missus. She’s been working so hard since she won the
MacArthur Genius Grant and I thought a little something sweet might be just the
thing. And you?”
“uhhhhh…
…same here. [under breath] Sonofabitch…”
Luckily,
my friends aren’t like that. I’ve got this one friend. A big fella. Kind of a
giant really. Some might consider this friend, well, a little funny looking. My
friend can be loud, a little crazy, sometimes fickle and more than a little old
fashioned. Oh yeah, and my friend used to smell like bat poop.
Who did
you think I was talking about? I’m talking about Kyle Field.
I’ve
been going to Kyle Field for not nearly as long as some of you. My relationship
only goes back to 1992, but I’ve had a great time and as near as I can tell
I’ve been to around 110 games there. After tomorrow Kyle Field will change
forever. Nearly as soon as the final whistle blows they will begin to tear down
this venerable football cathedral and they will replace it with “New and
Improved Kyle Field.” I’m probably going to be a little nostalgic about the
whole affair.
I
already miss the horseshoe, DeWare and G. Rollie White. I’ll add Kyle Field to
my list of missing buildings. I’ll miss the old rickety bleachers. I’ll
remember mugging down at yell practice and still wish I had done more of it. We
used to have all University night at Kyle, which I can’t describe here because
I don’t want my kids to know about it, but that was fun. I don’t think I’ll
miss the smell of bat poop or standing in a puddle of pee when I have to pee.
Big bathrooms and wide concourses will be nice. The idea of shade, even if it’s
for someone else, doesn’t sound too bad. So maybe it really will be better. But
I still expect to be a little sad about my last visit to Kyle Field the way I
knew her.
The one
thing I hope to see from new Kyle Field is more winning. I like the heck out of
winning and if this will make more winning happen then I’m all for it.
Last
week we beat the crap out of, well, someone… oh yeah, UTEP. There’s not a lot
to say about it. UTEP is bad and it showed. I won’t dwell on the game much, but
it is worth noting that we held them to under 200 yards of total offense. The
defense looked the way they should against an inferior team, which is saying something
because a lot of times this year they haven’t.
This
week we welcome to town the Mississippi State Bulldogs. We smacked them around
pretty good last year. I hope to do it again this year. They are not a bad
team, although their record is not stellar. They are physically very large in
the trenches and they run the ball pretty well. We could have some trouble with
them. I don’t think they’ll have an answer for the Manziel/Evans conundrum, and
it could even be a blowout. I’m just expecting a hard fought game where we
don’t beat the spread, but come out with a decent win and start getting ready
for LSU after a week off.
I went
looking for Mississippi State jokes on the internet and came up a little short.
I think it’s telling that a google search for “Mississippi State Bulldogs”
yielded only 3,020,000 results, but a search for “used toilet paper” yielded
41,000,000 results. Most of the jokes I found were standard fare. I found two
that I liked and have included them below.
Q: What
do a Mississippi State student and an Ole Miss student have in common?
A: They
both got into State.
Q: Why
are rectal thermometers banned at State?
A: They
cause too much brain damage.
I know
it’s low brow. I think, to steal a phrase from sports, I’m playing down to my
competition. Sorry.
The
tailgate should be really nice this weekend. The game is at 2:30, the weather
will be good and the food should be solid (ribs, beans and French fries... and
beer). Come on down and enjoy the afternoon. We’ll be looking for you.
Gig ‘em
and Beat the Hell Outta Mississippi State!
-
Chuck ‘96
