First the Pointer Sisters, then Van Halen, then Kriss Kross - Now the Aggies

Jump baby.

Apparently jumping has been part of the American social fabric for decades. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that even the Aggies have been lining up to do a little jumping of their own. First they jumped to conclusions, then they jumped off the bandwagon. Now they're starting to jump off of cliffs. It's like watching a bunch of lemmings fighting their way to edge to be the next to take the fatal plunge into the seas of self loathing.

If I could take this ill fated analogy even a step further, I'd suggest that maybe the Aggies should try taking a leap instead. Because it will take a leap, a plain old jump won't do it. Take a leap of faith that 1. this season has been an aberration and 2. that even if it isn't the sun will rise tomorrow.

Somehow we've gotten to a bad place this season. The numbers don't look good and there's no real explanation for it. This team has not lived up any one's expectations. Not their own, not the coaches', not the administration's, and least important of all, not the fans'. OK. That sucks. I get it.

But, and I can say this comfortably because no one that I know takes this as seriously as I do, it's time to let it go. The past is in the past. I've analyzed it a hundred times and my opinion is that the coaching staff should, for the most part, be left in tact. I'd like to maybe see an offensive coordinator put in place. There's just too much happening during the game for the head coach to do both jobs. That's my opinion and it's worth less than you paid for it. At a price of $0.00 you got ripped off.

So what is a fan to do? Well, I usually look for wisdom in the bottom of a bottle which hasn't been working so far this season, so I'll do a 180 and refer back to what the alcoholics say, the serenity prayer. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

We can't jump off that cliff.

We shouldn't be lemmings. Come on! We're Aggies, damnit!

We can be steadfast in our resolve. Control the things we can. We can be supportive even when things aren't going our way.

It's easy to destroy. Complaining, whining, mob justice. It's all easy lemming kind of stuff. But creation on the other hand is a b*tch. Let's do the tough job. Let's go create something good out of our lofty position as unpaid jurors in the court of irrelevant opinions.

People might think we're weird for supporting a losing team. But, hey, we're Aggies, right? We accepted the first time we put on a maroon shirt that we were going to be viewed as different. I relish that. We're tough minded and we drink cheap beer. We're loyal to a fault. And if that's weird, ok. I'll take it.

We just can't quit on these guys. I haven't seen a lot of quit in the players. Except for the OU game, we've been in every game this season. Yeah, we lost five of them, but we've been in them. We could just as easily be 10-2 (although clearly we aren't). This isn't a bad team. It's a good team in a bad place. I feel good about the people on this team, coaches and players alike. They are good individuals, good players, good representatives of Texas A&M. They will learn a lot from this season. They shouldn't have to do it under the weight of a fickle fan base.

No one on this email was alive the last time we won a national championship in football. I'm sure one more season of waiting will be fine. We just need to get back to who we are. Let's go out and hit someone on Saturday. Rough tough real stuff. If we finish strong it's still an eight win season. I'll take it.

Now, if you look at my request for a leap of faith as silly and preachy, you can always jump down my throat or tell me to jump in a lake. I'm a big boy. I can handle it. But, if you just don't like amateurish word play, I've got nothing for you. It's kind of my thing.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Kansas!

-Chuck '96

If you can see past the anger and hate . . .

...you're definitely in the minority among Aggie fans. I personally have trouble understanding it. Maybe it's like mashed potatoes. They're fine. They're not great. They're just fine. But if it's all you had to eat every freakin' year maybe you'd start to get mad. Maybe you'd get so mad that the idea of more mashed potatoes would make you want to punch someone? And then post about it on the internet. A lot. And so, it seems, the prospect of another 8 win year has got a lot of fans upset. We lost another game and people are wound up about it.

Sure it was a top ten team, but we still lost another game. It's time to get out the torches and pitchforks. It's time to warm up the tar and pluck the feathers off a chicken or two. There's nothing left to be done but a good old fashioned witch hunt. Because, it's a certifiable, bonafide fact that we lost to OU on Saturday up in Norman, Oklahoma. I was there and there's just no way around that. There is no alternative.

Or is there?

You see, I googled "Time Travel" and lo and behold, I was able to buy two time trips from a site in the Netherlands (not the same as the "Nether Regions", Paul, you need a passport to get there). And, I used my first trip back in time to garner fabulous wealth for myself so I could live a movie star's life and shower the program with money. But I found the super models and big yachts shallow and unfulfilling, so I used my second trip to undo the first one and now I'm out of time travel vouchers. On the plus side, I feel better about myself and now I know who wins American Idol this year. Oh well, I tried to bend the laws of time and space and apparently that's still not enough for us to win all our games.

I guess everyone will just have to remember 2011 as the year we didn't go undefeated and didn't win the national championship in football.

I just don't think it's as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Our defense did pretty well. Sure, OU hung 28 on us in the 3rd quarter last weekend, but OU started three of those possessions inside the A&M 40. When OU started in their own territory they only scored on 3 of 12 possessions. But, when they started in A&M territory they scored on 4 of 7 possessions. You can try to blame the defense, but the defense didn't ask to start SEVEN possessions with their backs against the wall. For comparison, A&M started every single possession on their own side of the field.

Offensively I thought we were pretty even with OU. We scored on 4 of 18 possessions (all started in our own territory) and had two uncharacteristically missed field goals in the mix. We had 527 yards of offense (5.7 / play) vs. 404 yards (4.7 / play). They didn't sack us at all. Except for the turnovers, this was really a pretty decent game.

Man I hate turnovers. The four turnovers definitely cost us this game. Again. They have cost us every single lost game this year. That's not to say we would have won absent the turnovers. Who can know for sure? It's just that this game didn't appear competitive from the box score when in reality it was. You'll just have to take my word for it.

It's now officially time to focus your attention on the Kansas State game. think, think, Think, THINK! FOCUS!! Concentrate!!!!

Are you focusing? What did you come up with?

What a silly mascot.

I'm just saying. K-State isn't that interesting to me.

The K-State story actually parallels A&M's pretty well for the last several years. You see, Kansas State has also had a rough run this decade. They replaced a legendary coach with something else. It didn't work. Sound familiar?

But then three years ago someone staked out the Luby's handicapped parking spots before the 4:30 dinner rush and caught Bill Snyder by the arm. They confused him with the Medicare Plan B pamphlets and talk of a donut hole and while he was telling a story about "the big one" they got him to sign a contract to return to coaching. Don't let the hover-round fool you. He's still plenty wily for a man from the greatest generation. He's got a solid 7-2 team and didn't lose to Missouri, so he's got a Sans-a-Belt leg up on the Yankee from College Station. We'll need to be ready.

And I think we will be ready. For one thing, I honestly believe we're a better team than they are. We held OU and OSU to 71 points. Not great, but it's better than the 110 point KSU held them to. And our defense has gotten better each week. If you go back and actually look at the games you'll see this to be true. I think we'll be able to score on those Wildkitties.

So buckle up the Barcalounger and tune in the old boobtube to ABC at 2:30 tomorrow. When we get done jarring those corn-fed teeth loose, it'll take more than a tube of Bill's Fixodent to get 'em all back in place. Tomorrow we set things straight.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta Kansas State!

-Chuck '96

OU don't know what to expect.

Did you get the double entendre there? I worked for literally seconds on that one. See, (1) "OU doesn't know what to expect from us." - OR - "Oh, you don't know what to expect.", implying that peoples' perceptions about this game may be off. Expect the unexpected. Oh the english language is magical.

I included some new folks on the email this week, Chris, Mike and John . They stopped by the tailgate on accident Satuday and got suckered into sticking around for a while. I thought I would throw them into the fire. Guys, I take up a little of everyone's time each week to ramble about the game and whatever else comes to mind. If you'd rather not receive it, just let me know and I'll drop your names. No worries.

I want to briefly touch on the Missouri game and then move on.

SH*%, G*%D*&M, SON OF B*&%H, ()*&$# *&#$@*#)&#^)&*^@)*&^$(*@#$^)*(@$)*(^&#%$&*(%(&*%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. That's about all I have to say about that.

Let's examine our next opponent, OU.

OU is a very good team with an impeccable home field record. Historically we haven't faired well in Norman. You may recall that some years ago we let one slip away late and lost 77-0 up there. They're ranked in the top 10, again. They beat the whorns by 38 points earlier this year. The line on the game is OU by 16.5.

By any rational analysis, you would have to assume that we're not favored in this one. I will instead, then, rely on irrational analysis.

First, we'll look at what I call the "Toddler Effect". The Toddler Effect goes something like this: I have a 2 year old son, and I know that eventually he will stop cr*pping in his pants. Same for the Ags. The Toddler Effect.

Second, we'll examine what I call the "Roy Sullivan" effect or alternatively the "Lightning Really Does Strike Twice in the Same Place" theory. See, Roy Sullivan has been struck by lightning seven times. Everyone assumes that it just doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. OU really could lose consecutive home games. Roy Sullivan.

Next we'll look at the Platypus Theory. The Platypus Theory states that since God has a sense of humor (hence the existence of duck billed platypi) any number of other funny things could happen just to amuse him. Don't you think God would find humor in A&M beating OU two years in a row? I know I would.

Lastly, we'll look at the Blind Squirrel hypothesis. As everyone knows, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while. Well, I think we may find an acorn up in Norman. For us that would be putting together four complete quarters of football. The thing is, it has to happen more often than you would assume, or the blind squirrels would all be dead (starvation). It's not as unlikely as you think. Blind Squirrel.

In reality, we've got the talent on offense to win up in Norman. We really do. But, it's a little like me having the capacity to lose weight. I'm very comfortable that it's possible. I'm just not sure how likely it is. That said, I am on a diet right now and I'm down 3 pounds this week. So who knows?

OU is a good team with a good set of coaches. So are we. We've had a lot of injuries on defense and every week we've had to cobble together a different set of players just to field a team. It's not surprising that they've not come along as much as we had expected this year. That said, I do think the defense has gotten incrementally better each week. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow.

Our offense is as good or better than any offense in the country when they are firing on all cylinders. Every one of our offensive starters could start or be close to it on any team in the country. There is no one on offense that you have to make excuses for. I can't explain the offense disappearing in the second half of games. I have no excuse for it, but I don't think it's a talent issue. I think this one is on playcalling. That can be fixed.

I'm going up to Norman to watch this game. I'm going to do all that I can to help the team along. I'm tired of listening to all the whiny pot bangers. People act like we've been relegated to the Sunbelt Conference and perpetual mediocrity. "It's over and there's nothing we can do. We'll never win again."

Bull Butter!

Sure, this season has been a kick in the pants, but SO WHAT? When you get thrown from a horse, what do you do? You don't just get back on, you go whip the sh*t out of the horse, and then you get back on. It's time to rally around the team and the coach. These are my guys. They aren't mercenaries. They're Aggies. They go to the same class rooms I went to as a student. The eat in the same places. They're Aggies. They love A&M just as much as I do. They leave it all out on the field every week for A&M. They're my guys. And I just can't imagine abandoning them right now.

So, I'm driving up to Norman, Oklahoma tomorrow morning, and if my team and my coach can't do it, then I will personally BEAT THE EVER LOVIN HELL OUTTA OU all by myself!!!! And Tim too, of course. I'll let him clear out the easy ones up front and I'll come in after to take care of the rest. ;)

This game is on ABC at 2:30 PM. You'll want to watch just in case I get called in there at the end.

Gig 'em and Beat the Hell Outta OU!

Chuck '96